Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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