Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
