dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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