The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
