First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize