I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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