Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
