I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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