The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
