What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
