oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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