I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
