why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
