Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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