Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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