remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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