So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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