why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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