Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
