You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
