According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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