Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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