But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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