Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
