my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
