You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
