I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
