Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
