I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS