His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
its not stalking. its research.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
