it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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