I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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