She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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