dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
