forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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