Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
