Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
