I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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