a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize