I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize