Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
