I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
