I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
two words: eviction party
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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