I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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