who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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