shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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