Someone shit on the floor
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
