careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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