I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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