I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
