his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
