Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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