I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
