Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
