i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
