New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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