We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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