im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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