you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
