Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my sisters under your porch take her home
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
