New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize