dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my being single is dangerous.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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