Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
