I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
