She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
