She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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