Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
