the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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