I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
