The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
