im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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