My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
