she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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