Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
