I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize