I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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