Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
