I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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