Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
