I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize