So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
