six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
