He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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