Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
