Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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