I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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