This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You took a bar mat shot.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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